Have you chosen your word of the year yet?
It seems like everyone is sharing theirs on social media.
I've seen words like "intention," "joy," and "focus."
They're all good!
Mine's a bit different—it's ...
When I think of resolve, I see it as finding solutions to problems, a task I've often pursued but struggled with. I'd dive headfirst into solving issues, offering my thoughts to anyone within earshot. Yet, emotions always seem to complicate matters, making problem-solving an endless loop.
However, my perspective shifted six years ago when I discovered DBT skills. If you've been following my journey, you'll understand how these skills transformed me.
So, how does "Resolve" connect with DBT for me?
Let's break it down into three skills that have been game-changers:
1. Relationship Mindfulness: This skill reminds me to be present when engaging with others. I've been guilty of being glued to my phone, neglecting the person in front of me. I resolve to put my phone away when someone needs my attention, just as I'd wish them to do for me. I recently watched a split-screen video where, in one image, a child is seeking out someone on their phone; in the other image, the person is totally available to the child. The joy on that child’s face in the second scene is palpable! The person on the first screen wasn’t even aware of what they were missing out on. That hit home; I aim to be fully present for those who matter.
2. Benign Interpretation: This skill encourages me to consider the best-case scenario instead of jumping to conclusions. Not everyone's trying to provoke me; some might be having a tough day. The other day, I was in the city, a bit lost. My attention wasn’t on where I was driving as much as it was on the signs I was looking for. A driver beside me honked their horn at me. I could have responded in like or even worse, but my driving may have made them uncomfortable or maybe they were trying to get me to pay better attention! It's not worth getting upset over what I can't control, which leads me to the next skill.
3. Radical Acceptance: This skill teaches me to embrace reality as it is. Rather than resisting situations or relationships, I resolve to focus on the truth without spiralling into self-defence or judgment. This skill has been a game-changer! As a wife, mom, and grandmother, there's much I wish I could control. I remember when I was first introduced to skills, I heard and wrote down this quote:
Everyone wants to have control.
The only one we can control is ourselves.
When we learn to control us,
The people around us can change.
Wow! That is where radical acceptance is key. I can’t control everyone. I can only control myself. Practicing these skills has helped me be my best self, and I've also noticed positive changes in those around me as I endeavour to be more skillful.
What a gift!
What's your word for this year? I invite you to consider embracing "Resolve" too. Let's become more adept at navigating daily interactions using skills like Relationship Mindfulness, Benign Interpretation, and Radical Acceptance. Together, we can positively influence those around us this year!
Do these skills resonate with you? Are you curious to learn more?
SILA Skills is committed to bringing these skills to individuals and workplaces alike because we've seen firsthand how effective they are.
Remember, finding calm amidst life's chaos is possible.
Here's to forging meaningful connections and skillfully resolving conflicts in 2024.